


And A Light To My Path

by KelpietheThundergod



Series: With (you) [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Established Relationship, Frottage, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Kissing, M/M, Sad Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 09:25:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12230097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KelpietheThundergod/pseuds/KelpietheThundergod
Summary: Castiel himself is familiar with bouts of melancholy, of anger. He suspects Sam is as well. But Dean is the most emotional person Castiel has ever met, and it hurts to watch him become quiet and subdued, by turns clingy and distant, startled at every little sound.





	And A Light To My Path

**Author's Note:**

> For [righteousman](http://righteousman.tumblr.com/)

 

 

 

_and a path through my darkness_

 

Bad days. Castiel knows by now, that sometimes, Dean just has them. The most cruel aspect, perhaps, is that anything can trigger them, and then other times, there seems to be no trigger at all. Dean is sad, and nothing can fix it.

Castiel himself is familiar with bouts of melancholy, of anger. He suspects Sam is as well. But Dean is the most emotional person Castiel has ever met, and it hurts to watch him become quiet and subdued, by turns clingy and distant, startled at every little sound. The first time it happened, Sam just told him to wait it out, a sad but resigned look on his face. It was obvious Sam meant well, but Castiel felt very lost and powerless at that moment, and scared of what it meant for the future of his and Dean's relationship that he hadn't known what was wrong, that maybe he's been absent too often to really know Dean at all.

What he does know but suspects Sam doesn't, is that Dean sometimes cries in his sleep, often after one of his bad days. And when it's noticeable enough, it wakes Castiel up. Like now—Dean's tears soaking into his t-shirt where his head is resting on Castiel's chest. Dean is still holding him the same way he was when Castiel fell asleep, but now with a tremble in his hands, a subtle tension to his muscles. Like he's struggling to hold himself still. He is hurting, and although Dean is in general incredibly self-aware, Castiel has a feeling that being asked what's wrong wouldn't help him right now.

Instead, he shifts and reaches for Dean, puts a hand between his shoulder blades, warm and soft pressure. Dean sucks in a breath, presses the side of his face against Castiel's chest. Hiding his expression, even in the dark and safety of their room. His breathing sounds wet, stuttering, like he's holding back sobs. Castiel carefully starts stroking his hand up and down Dean's broad back, cards the fingers of his other hand through Dean's hair. Dean shudders, and twists his fingers into Castiel's thin shirt. They're warm but wet where they bump against Castiel's bare skin, like he's been crying for a while and tried to brush the tears away before giving up on it. Castiel's chest hurts at the thought and he makes sure to keep touching Dean, drops his voice to a timbre that he hopes will come out as soothing, “Shh, Dean, shh.”

A moment later, Dean pushes himself up on one elbow and out of Castiel's arms. He cups Castiel's jaw with shaking fingers, starts kissing down his cheek. Soft, barely there kisses—butterfly kisses, Dean has told him. He'd blushed at the word and made a face, but it's become obvious very fast how much he both loves to give as well as receive them.

Castiel is not sure where Dean is going with this, if this is what he really wants right now and not what he thinks Castiel needs, but he decides to be patient. He lets himself go pliant under Dean and raises his arms slightly to stroke Dean's sides. Dean has moved on to his other cheek, but now he stops with his kisses, hides his face in Castiel's neck and goes still.

“Dean?”

Dean sniffs, his wet cheek brushing against Castiel's skin. “Sorry,” he whispers. His voice is so quiet and choked, Castiel can barely understand him. “I don't even know what's—I shoulda let you sleep, I—” He cuts himself off, presses his forehead against Castiel's shoulder, heaves in a painful sounding breath.

Castiel's chest aches again. He shifts and moves his arms to hold Dean close, touches a hand to his neck and brushes his fingers through the short hair there. “You know I'd rather be awake when this happens, Dean.”

Dean sniffs, but he doesn't move away. He seems to be struggling to get his breathing under control, his back muscles tensing under Castiel's hands. Castiel carefully nudges his side, tries to coax him into lying down and onto his back. It takes a moment, but finally Dean lets Castiel press him into the sheets. Lets himself be kissed. Castiel holds himself back from brushing the tear tracks from Dean's cheeks, wary of pushing him too far.

They're both in sleeping clothes, soft t-shirts and boxer shorts. Castiel usually prefers to sleep naked, but he's only recently recovered from a cold and didn't want to risk getting sick again. Now, desire is making Castiel's skin tingle, desire for all of Dean to touch him without any barrier. But with how tense Dean is right now, Castiel has a suspicion that Dean may need the added protective layer of their clothing. So instead of undressing them both, he strokes down Dean's arms, all the way to the tips of his fingers and back up again. Kisses down Dean's chest, lips burning against the soft cotton. Palms his sides, nibbles at the bit of soft belly that's exposed to his mouth. Dean gasps, then tugs at Castiel's shirt, his voice thick, “Can you, um. Just. Can you turn the light on?”

They both have to turn their faces away and blink for a moment when Castiel reaches over and switches the bedside lamp on. But then Dean turns towards the light and rolls over onto his side, a hand clutching the sheets. His eyes are closed, his jaw tense. The bulge of his erection is obvious through the thin fabric of his underwear, but he's curled protectively over his chest, unconsciously guarding his every vulnerability.

After a moment of uncertainty, Castiel fits himself behind Dean. He strokes over Dean's biceps, then the curve of his side, “Is this okay?” Dean just nods, but his breathing gets a little easier, his body relaxing back into Castiel's warmth. He briefly opens his eyes when Castiel reaches over him to get at the nightstand. Dean takes Castiel's hand in his and puts it back on his hip, “Could we, uh. Just like this?”

Castiel swallows, want making his heart hammer and his mouth dry up. Slowly, he presses himself up against Dean, until his throbbing erection is rubbing against the small of Dean's back and the side of his face is touching Dean's. Dean sighs, leans his head back to rest it against Castiel's shoulder, a move that brings their faces closer together. Castiel slowly moves against him, palms at Dean's hip. He pets at Dean's belly and then cups him through his underwear. Rubs the heel of his hand against the heavy and hot weight of him, just firm and steady pressure.

Dean moans brokenly, the hand he had been clutching the sheets with coming up to curl around Castiel's wrist, as if needing it to ground himself. Sweat is breaking out over Castiel's back and he's panting against the side of Dean's face, but he forces himself to still, to make sure he isn't overwhelming him. “Dean?”

Dean breathes in raggedly, his heaving sides radiating heat at Castiel. He tugs at Castiel's hand, pushes it more firmly against himself, “Don't stop.”

Castiel continues stroking and squeezing him, Dean's fingers clenching around his wrist each time he rubs at the head through the precome soaked fabric, each time his fingertips tease at the heavy softness of his tightly drawn up balls. Dean is making soft, punched-out sounds of pleasure at the back of his throat, is pressing back against Castiel's dick, off-rhythm, needy. The friction feels so good, it's making Castiel dizzy. He crowds closer against Dean, throws a leg over his and touches his open mouth to Dean's clothed shoulder. He goes back to rubbing at Dean with the heel of his palm, increasing the pressure. Dean's breathing hitches, “Cas, _Cas_.” He sounds fractured, as if afraid of letting go. “I'm here, Dean,” Castiel replies, breathless but putting as much reassurance into the words as he can, “ _Aah_ , mm, I'm here.”

Dean comes with a noise like a sob, one hand clutching at the sheets, the other holding tightly onto Castiel's wrist. The way he's curving his body back against Castiel, quivering with the aftershocks, is enough to send Castiel over as well. He groans and holds onto Dean while the pleasure rushes through him, leaving him feeling like he's floating on light.

Dean turns in his hold while Castiel is still blinking dazedly. His movements are uncoordinated but the underlying tension appears to be gone. Dean presses his face into the curve of Castiel's neck and sighs. They lie like that for a while, letting their breathing even out. When Castiel draws back to look at him, Dean's features are slack and his mouth is slightly open, the way he looks when he's about to fall asleep any minute. Castiel gently strokes at his arm to get his attention, “Hey. Don't go to sleep yet, we have to change first.”

Dean rubs his cheek against Castiel's shoulder, mumbles a sleepy “Mh-hmm.”

Castiel smiles at him fondly even though Dean has his eyes closed. On wobbly legs, he stumbles over to their drawer and gets some tissues from the nightstand on the way back. They clean up and change, and then Dean presses an almost hesitant kiss to his mouth, and so they sit for a while, just kissing.

Finally, Dean squeezes Castiel's thigh and draws back. He lies back down on his side and turned towards the light, eyes closed. Castiel watches him, hesitant. Dean seems better; he'd relaxed into their kisses and the touch of his hand on Castiel's thigh was sure and firm. But Castiel needs to know for sure, needs for Dean to know that it's okay. “Do you want to keep it on?”

Dean opens his tired eyes again but stays quiet for a moment. Then he clears his throat, “No, it's. You can turn it off now.”

Castiel reaches over him and switches off the lamp, then lies down behind Dean. He only dares to crowd in closer and hold him when Dean reaches back in search of his hand. Castiel lets him intertwine their fingers and rests his head on Dean's shoulder. He watches the soft darkness around them until Dean's breathing evens out, until he's sure his sleep is peaceful. And then, lets himself fall asleep with Dean in his arms.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite of a fic that I wrote two years ago and then never posted for whatever reason, and then I realized it would make a perfect part 2 to With. I'm not a native speaker and just like With this isn't beta read. If you find mistakes, however minor, please tell me!!
> 
> Find me on tumblr at [cuddlemonsterdean](cuddlemonsterdean.tumblr.com/)


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